Renay has had a list of topics that came up this month. Some of the topics are much more pressing than others, but when we look at the one she circled, we knew that we needed to really talk about it.
“Why do they act like babies?”
Renay heard this repeatedly. But we first must talk about a memorial.
In Memory Of
Renay attended a funeral for two former students’ brother. The young man had a severe disability that impacted his health and lived several years past life expectancy. Renay never worked with the person who was being memorialized, but Renay went supporting the siblings who both had worked with Renay in a general education capacity.
Truthfully, it has been years since Renay saw the siblings who are well into their thirties now. But in a church building, Renay looked across the folks who came. A whole community attended this memorial. Not just the family or those who directly worked with the young man who has passed. There was the whole community of teachers who got to work with the student, his paraeducator staff, the families of other children (young and adult) with disabilities, families whose path will parallel the journey that this family has followed, the staff who provided respite care and their families who got to meet the family, and the religious community who have walked the ups and down with the family through the years.
A whole community attended this memorial.
ParaEducate
This, attending memorials and funerals, is not at the top of the list of the world around special education. It is not spoken about, imagined to be just an event like those that might happen with general education students. However many children with disabilities still do have shortened life expectancies. Life expectancy for many disabilities is closer to average, but things like socio-economic status, type of disability, and related health problems can shorten the life of any individual. It could be perhaps one will attend easily one funeral for each year of work. And yes, it is all right to grieve the loss, just the same for any young person.
When we asked Renay what she remembered, she told us, that this pair of siblings knew their younger sibling was a part of their family story. Their life choices were because of the family they had. They lit up when they spoke of their sibling with a disability. While they cried in the church and after, the siblings had always known their story with their younger sibling was not going to be like their friends’ with their younger siblings. That thread of life was never meant to be as long as we expected, and it was still longer than anyone could have hoped.
Returning to the Topic at hand
The sibling who passed had a disability that prevented physical growth in some regards, and for a very long time, unless one had known the family, one glance might have assumed the young man was a child. And all too often, people with disabilities are believed to be child-like. It is too hard to fathom that a person with a disability could be an adult, with adult desires.
So what does one do when a child, a peer, asks why the child with a disability is perceived as a baby? The rule with young children is to ask a following question. “What makes you think they are a baby?” Or, “What do you see that [the student] does?” Some students have chew items, some may contribute to the look of young children. The edges of diapers sometimes are seen despite the staff’s best efforts. Lacking verbal communication is also not valued, speaking, to a young child, means that something is ‘younger’. And this may stick with an individual. This also translates to the equipment that a student may use—some wheelchairs for some younger students do look like strollers depending on the mobility of a student.
How one replies to a peer on behalf of a student is also as important as what conversation can occur. How a peer to the student with disabilities you support perceives you and your role with the student is equally important.
How one replies to a peer on behalf of a student is also as important as what conversation can occur. How a peer to the student with disabilities you support perceives you and your role with the student is equally important.
ParaEducate
The ultimate point: do not brush off the comment. Be direct. Engage the peer with the disability if they can convey information, or even if they would want information shared with the peer who is asking.
November Hugs
November starts the season of gratitude. Not just because of Thanksgiving or concerns about warm clothing for students, but it is about making sure that all the students have what they need. Knowing who to ask on campus to support the students who need a little bit more is important before November, but knowing how to go in and get what they need quietly is equally important. To those who make sure that students have what they need to be able to come to school is a challenging job. A sincere thank you to those whose job it is to help students.
Do you have any comments about this month’s blog? Do you have a question for us? Would you like to have an opportunity to pilot some materials at your campus? Find ParaEducate online here, here, here, and on our website. ParaEducate is a company providing materials, information, and strategies for people working in special education inclusion settings for grades K-12. ParaEducate, the blog, is published once a month during the academic school year. ParaEducate shares their findings at conferences, through their books, and their academic adaptations.
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